Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
