i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
