you guys were way drunker than both of me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
