3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
