You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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