i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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