I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
