this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bring me that man meat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
