Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
tell me about the eggs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
