I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
