You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
