Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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