also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
