worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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