so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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