i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
