How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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