thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
