so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How naked do you want me to be?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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