Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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