I am in a vortex of obligation.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
