I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
