The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
