I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
