Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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