I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize