i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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