spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
