youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Randomize
