don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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