You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
