My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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