Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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