Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
