Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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