She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize