I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Welp...herpes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
