Quick, to the slutcave!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
