I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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