its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
