At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
