Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
