She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize