You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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