one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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