Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
