the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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