im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
