I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
