do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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