he puts the penis in happiness.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
