Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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