Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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