I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need a beard to bite.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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