I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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