I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
