Nicole vs. Life
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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