Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize