I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize