i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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