just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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