woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
