I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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