He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
