I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
