My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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