I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
