Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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