dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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