Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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