dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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