I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
