you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it glows. i had to have it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
