dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
