Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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