No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
