FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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