I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize