i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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