My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am mentally ready for anal.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
