I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
