does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
