Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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